when things are going too well, don’t be foolish enough to trust that it’ll continue that way, because some shit will inevitably go down very soon and BOOM, there it is, The Fuckening!

Christ, did life get any worse than this? He pushed the head of the cock past his terrified, quivering lips and attempted to bite into the thing.

While he was still dreading having to eat the bastard, he was grateful that he wouldn’t be the first one to have to tear a strip of brain from its head

I don’t need to learn about computers and the internet. My sperm does it for me

Bad choices make for interesting stories

If Brian Harvey from East 17 has lived there, it can’t be that fucking bad

Who wants girls when they could have ‘GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS’?

I feel a bit like the Willy Wonka of Neon, if you could eat neon, chocolate would be the next best thing

It was mostly just the concept of eating a cock that Matthew found so challenging, irrespective of which animal it came from.

Are you beating the meat? Flogging the bishop? Spanking the monkey?